Bar Mitzvah: Can You Cater Your Own Party?

Catering is the single biggest expense in any big party, whether it's a bar mitzvah or a wedding. Value-minded people have always considered doing their own food. In the current economy, though, even more people are at least giving it serious thought.

And no surprise. In the suburbs of Philadelphia - the least expensive of all the major East Coast cities of New York, Boston and Washington - the average price per person for a simple, stripped down meal is $75, not including the bar or tips. Wow.

I’m not a caterer, but I recently catered my daughter's bat mitzvah and I wanted to share the pros and cons as well as some tips for all those families wondering if this is a good alternative for them. For more tips on slashing the cost of your big party, go to this page on the chic but inexpensive bar mitzvah.

First, The Overview

• We had about 120 guests and about half were children.

• There was a cocktail hour with about 6 appetizers - 3 cold and 3 in chafing dishes, which I bought cheaply on ebay but I could easily have rented.

• The bar was self-serve bottles of soda, water, beer, wine and hard lemonade (adult tables had bottles of Pellegrino water; kids tables had pitchers of Shirley Temples, light-up cocktail glasses, and bar set-ups - cocktail fruit for decorating their drinks).

• Food was a combination of bulk items purchased from a big-box store (frozen classic hors d'oeuvres, romaine lettuce and croutons for Caesar salad, balls of frozen chocolate chip cookie dough) and wonderful freshly made food trays ordered from several stores and restaurants.

The Huge Pros of the Plan

• We fed everyone handsomely for a tiny fraction of the cost of catering.

• We ordered the best dishes from all the local restaurants: fruit and vegetable trays from Whole Foods; sushi from the local Korean supermarket, Greek appetizers and fresh grilled garlic pita from a Greek restaurant, filet mignon sandwiches, freshly tossed homemade salads, and gourmet eggplant parmesan pizza - in short, all our favorites.

• The party felt more like a village festival than a stuffy affair. It was casual and elegant at the same time.

• I want to say too that it had a warm spirit and spontaneity that we loved, but that others might feel wasn't grandiose enough.

• We were able to use items that reflected our values, like beautiful bamboo dinner plates that degrade quickly once they're disposed of.

The Unavoidable Cons of Self-Catering

• It's a lot of work and should not be attempted by someone who isn't highly organized and detail-oriented. Or has a friend or associate with those qualities who's willing to project manage.

• You may have to battle a bit with your venue, which typically gets a kickback from the caterer and which might demand things like insurance for your servers that will make things even more complicated for you.

• You have to rent or bring every plate, glass, utensil, serving piece, oven mitt, tray, cleaning sponge and pot, and you have to visualize ahead of time how your people are going to set up the buffet so you order enough service tables and cloths.

• You need to find a very organized service team to heat up the food, toss the salads, etc. and serve. They need to be able to work independently and solve by themselves any of the problems that inevitably arise.

• I was lucky to know a mom who runs teams of experienced moms to serve and clean up. Still, there were things that didn't go as planned and that will happen to you too. So if you're the kind of person who will grieve for months if the salad dressing was on the side when it should have been tossed in, don't consider self-catering.

• Instead of relaxing the afternoon before my daughter's evening bat mitzvah service, we were running around picking up the food, groceries, cake, drinks, and ice and schlepping everything to the venue. This is not for the easily flustered or faint of heart. Though you can hire drivers to do this also - we just didn't.

• We also spent the night before the night of the party decorating the tables and setting up the bar, cocktail hour buffet, etc. Again, if you like to relax at stressful times, this is not the plan for you.

The Best Case Bar Mitzvah Scenario

The ultimate great way to self-cater for a bar mitzvah is for several families in a Hebrew school class to band together as a co-op to buy the china and serving items from a wholesaler and then share them. Also to do each other's running and food-fetching. I didn't have that because our school is small and I was forging a path here that most families had not considered taking.

But in the new economy, if this idea appeals to you, you may find many willing partners who are ready to give up the idea that a fancy catered affair is the only kind worth having.

There's something sweet about doing it yourself. For all the stress ahead of time, it was supremely satisfying to host our party and reflect on it afterwards. The whole family and several friends pulled together to make it happen - that's very special - and we had the freedom to do fun things that were really "us."

The Chocolate Chip Cookie Lesson

When I was at the big-box store shopping, I grabbed the frozen balls of chocolate chip cookie dough and I asked my servers to pop them in the oven on the cleaned round pizza pans when they were setting up the coffee table. Some young guests offered to take the warm cookies around to the guest tables.

It was a warm beautiful finish to a party I hope everyone experienced as warm and beautiful all the way through. It was also a special touch we could never have pulled off with a caterer - or at least not for less than, probably, $8/person.

For more ideas on doing a bar mitzvah that is fun, glamorous and - if necessary - inexpensive, visit this bar mitzvah site.